Direct Answers

I have a little problem that has been going on for a long time. I have no feelings whatsoever for anyone or anything. I feel so numb it isn't funny. Or rather I should say this is the face I show the world.

I can't even say I love you to my mom though I love her dearly. I can't express my emotions to others at all. If I express my feelings, I'll be hurt. A lot happened in my life to cause me to choose not to be emotionally involved.

My dad and I were close when I was younger, but after my parents' divorce I never had a relationship with him. I was exposed to many physical encounters that were not appropriate for a child, but no one else knows about that and my family doesn't understand me.

This affects my relationship with men and people in general. I am wounded at 21. I only seem to attract people who use and hurt me. I'm tired of holding in the pain, but I don't know what to do anymore.

Christy

Christy, you know where you got lost. It was when you were molested. That needs to be dealt with now. None of us can live with a discrepancy between our interior world and the exterior world.

Numbness, emotional withholding, and the inability to say "I love you" are textbook signs of sexual abuse. Right now you think your problem is unique. If you knew others with your background, you would see how much you have in common.

The first step, and the most difficult, is finding a support group or individual working with people who have had your experience. When it occurred, you were too young and vulnerable to do anything about it. You tried to close the door on your pain. But closing the door on pain also closed the door on truth and happiness.

You have a right to breathe fully, to speak freely, and to live completely. You have a right to connect with others in an open and honest way. But harsh experience took those rights away from you. Finding your voice again will explain a lot to those close to you. Finding your voice will free you.

Someone once said, "If you weren't scared, then you weren't brave." It is time to be brave and reclaim your birthright as a human being.

Wayne & Tamara

First Comes Love

I wish I could tell you my story but it is so long. It is a classic love story between a man who is 45 and a young woman, 22. This is the problem. Our relationship is based on passion. There is only passion.

We meet once a month and sex is everything. I am a very modest girl, and because of that he likes me. Often he says he wants our relationship to last, but in the beginning he said not to grow too fond of him. I think he is protecting himself from me.

I am not sure if there is any serious woman in his life, but I am afraid I am falling in love with him. I need him and want him to be mine. Is it possible he feels the same for me? Could I ask him without destroying our relationship?

Maria

Maria, when a woman has sex, her thoughts goes in one of two directions. Either I am in love and loved, or I am not loved. If it is love, it's okay. If it's just sex, I am something I don't want to be. For a woman, if the relationship involves sex, it's serious.

This man is not offering you love or sharing his life. You are not even dating. He is meeting you for sex. In an attempt to save your self-respect you want him to love you.

Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Age Difference Relationships, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.