Direct Anawers

My 12-year-old son recently asked me why his father needs to pay child support. He continued by saying his dad was struggling with paying his own bills and supporting his new family. His dad tells him the fact that he never sees his son is reason enough not to pay.

I am disgusted this topic is being discussed with my son in the first place. I don’t know how to respond to this question. Any ideas?

Ivory

Ivory, just as a person testifying in court promises to tell the truth, your former husband made a promise. In front of a clergyman or judge, in front of witnesses and guests, he promised to bear the financial obligations of creating a new life. That promise was so important it was recorded in a government record.

When he started his new family, it was with the knowledge of a promise he already made. It has nothing to do with how often he sees his son. Even if you two are never married, the child support you receive means the government recognizes his obligation.

At 12, your son doesn’t want his father to pull away, but your son thinks unless he can make his father’s wish happen, he will lose his dad. Your son thinks appeasing his father will gain his father’s love. He is not mature enough to understand this is not another tie made, but another tie broken.

Tactfully and gently, tell your son this matter has been settled in court and is not open to discussion. Child support is no less than what his father’s new wife would expect if he left that family. At 12, your son will understand it isn’t fair to go back on a promise.

If your son continues to plead his dad’s case, let him understand he already has had his answer. This matter was settled by a judge in a court of law.

Wayne

The Nature Of Life

I am a 24-year-old who recently came out of the closet and am putting my foot in the gay world. What I find is a world of men who are pretty much just after one thing. I have been going out to bars and clubs and have tried meeting people online, but it doesn’t seem to change or be any different.

I am a sincere person with a big heart that has already been bruised enough. I am afraid of a relationship that isn’t honest or is just convenient for someone else. Should I expect this to be gay, or are there ways to meet men who are not so hard up on a bed-based relationship?

Rex

Rex, it’s tough when you want to share your life with somebody and you can’t find them, but it is even tougher to waste yourself emotionally on the wrong people. Don’t be dragged into relationships that tear you down and make you feel less.

Each moment you are breathing, your heart is beating, and you are living. Don’t focus on one thing and say, when that happens, I will have a life. Pursue those things which are under your control: learning, career, events, and interests.

There is only one time in life when there is something called “waiting.” It is when you are in the dentist’s office paging through year-old magazines, waiting to be called next. You must have faith the right person will come when the time is right, but when the time is right is not under your control. If you want someone vital, alive, and productive, you must be the same.

As time goes along, you will learn the signals, symbols, and social situations which allow you to be more open about your sexuality. Each of us yearns for love. Make it clear to everyone you encounter that you realize only a long-term, monogamous relationship will satisfy the yearning of your heart.

Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of “Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim”, available from Amazon, Apple, and most booksellers.