Fishing Out Of Season

I am a legally separated man who is going through a divorce. A friend introduced me to his girlfriend about a year ago. We immediately took to each other, but until a month ago, we didn’t realize how the other one felt.

I was happily married when we met, but my wife fooled around on me so we split up. Anyway, I started talking to my friend’s girlfriend. While he was away for two weeks of job training, we began seeing each other.

We both want to be together but don’t know what to do. She is four months pregnant by him and is happy with him. On the other hand, she wants me and I really want her. Do you have any suggestion on how I, or we, should handle this situation?

Ron

Ron, the last time I saw anything this tangled, it was opening day of trout season. Fishermen were lined up elbow to elbow on the bank, and there was not enough room to cast. Two guys even caught the same fish, which sounds a lot like your situation.

I would think pregnancy would set the hook for this woman, but your lure caught her eye. She doesn’t act like she’s been caught, though. At any moment she could reject both of you and move on to someone else.

This woman is not a keeper. You are involved with a woman like your wife. The difference is you are in another role, about to betray a friend. This is not a positive direction for your life.

Play out your marriage to its conclusion, and let this woman determine the relationship she will have with the father of her child.

There will be another trout season next year. Give yourself a break. Next season when you are free to go fishing, find a quiet stream before you drop a line in the water.

Wayne

Letting Go

I am a 51-year-old man married to the same woman for 28 years. Our children are grown and on their own. Over those years we fought daily and fiercely, and my wife always escalated the battle by saying hurtful things. She often said she wanted me out of her life.

Over time I developed a long-distance friendship with a fellow employee in a distant office. I relied on her to bring me joy each day by phone. We agreed to meet, and she drove eight hours to get here. We spent the night in each other’s arms but had no sex. We kissed once, and it was wonderful.

I went home and announced I wanted out of our marriage. I want badly to love and be loved, but my head is screwed up and I am confused. The other woman is 15 years younger, and her lifestyle is opposite from mine. I’ve always considered myself liberal, but she smokes, has tattoos, is an admitted alcoholic, and wears no underwear.

But when we email or talk on the phone, she has the sweetest voice and manner, and I feel I love her. If days go by and I don’t hear from her, I panic. She wants to take it slow, and I want her immediately. I’m not sure she loves me, but she gives me subtle encouragement, like singing a love song on my voice mail.

I am certain my wife and I are through. We have too much bad baggage to stay together. The other woman doesn’t excite me physically, though she is pleasant to look at. Do we have a chance together?

Bernard

Bernard, what are you saying? Your children are grown, your wife is a shrew, and you want to move on. You are leaving a woman you can’t say anything good about, for a woman whose only attribute is that she is appealing at a distance.

You are not Tarzan. You don’t need to have the next vine in hand before you let go of the one that is giving way. Your marriage is over. This new woman is not the one either. There is a third course. Follow it.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.