A Counter Offer

A couple, both of whom are near and dear to me, are in the process of buying a house. The stress has been so dreadful the husband recently walked out on his wife. He was convinced by his parents to return and talk things over with her. They agreed to seek help from a counselor.

That is the problem. They do not know where to go. They finally picked a name out of the phone book and called. He has yet to return their calls.

I feel they are perfect for each other, and it is the stress of home buying that has caused this problem. Can you suggest how they could find someone to help sort things out?

Gwyneth

Gwyneth, we understand your concern and love for your friends, and your desire for a happy ending. But all we can do is be honest, and when Tamara and I saw your note, we had the same thought.

Buying a house is stressful. Other people hold up hoops for you to jump through, and the process can seem totally out of control. But when each person feels there is nowhere else they would rather be, and no one else they would rather be with, the difficulties are easily surmounted.

One thing we have noticed is how often buying a house, buying a larger house, or building a dream house is the prelude for divorce. It’s not the event which causes the problem, it’s the event which reveals the problem which was always there.

Individual counseling may clarify what is going on between these friends. Finding the right counselor is trial and error, and where that leads is for them to understand. As Tamara just said, “When you have problems buying a house, you don’t run from your wife, you run from the deal.”

Wayne

Fishing Out Of Season

I am a legally separated man who is going through a divorce. A friend introduced me to his girlfriend about a year ago. We immediately took to each other, but until a month ago, we didn’t realize how the other one felt.

I was happily married when we met, but my wife fooled around on me so we split up. Anyway, I started talking to my friend’s girlfriend. While he was away for two weeks of job training, we began seeing each other.

We both want to be together but don’t know what to do. She is four months pregnant by him and is happy with him. On the other hand, she wants me and I really want her. Do you have any suggestion on how I, or we, should handle this situation?

Ron

Ron, the last time I saw anything this tangled, it was opening day of trout season. Fishermen were lined up elbow to elbow on the bank, and there was not enough room to cast. Two guys even caught the same fish, which sounds a lot like your situation.

I would think pregnancy would set the hook for this woman, but your lure caught her eye. She doesn’t act like she’s been caught, though. At any moment she could reject both of you and move on to someone else.

This woman is not a keeper. You are involved with a woman like your wife. The difference is you are in another role, about to betray a friend. This is not a positive direction for your life.

Play out your marriage to its conclusion, and let this woman determine the relationship she will have with the father of her child.

There will be another trout season next year. Give yourself a break. Next season when you are free to go fishing, find a quiet stream before you drop a line in the water.

Wayne

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.