The Price Of Delay

I know this may sound strange. Both my wife and I were virgins prior to marriage, it’s been a year, and we still are. The reason is she worries about pregnancy and not being ready.

My mother-in-law, by the way, is the one who came up with these ingenious ideas. My mother-in-law is a very clever person when it comes to her own. In my case too clever, because I could not be more sincere.

I waited a long time to make love to the lady of my life, but I’ve waited for nothing. Regardless of how many times I explain the way around these problems to my wife, I still do not know what physical love feels like.

I grew up poor and raised myself. As you can guess, I have strong religious roots. Holding God’s hand along the way gives me comfort and direction, but I can’t explain the amount of damage this has caused me. I am losing all goals which were dear to me.

During the last year, I haven’t been around my wife all the time due to our financial situation. I believe my mother-in-law wanted me to wait on sex until I came to take my wife away once and for all to our own home, though keeping a young couple from having sex goes against our religious beliefs.

This has caused me to look at other women, to contemplate a life without my wife, and to treat her with less respect than I ever imagined I could. I have been deprived of something essential to marriage, and frankly, not only do I now not love my wife, I feel no attraction. This experience has been humiliating and unbearable.

Ramin

Ramin, two innocent people coming together on the wedding night can be uncomfortable, but the emotions of the event are usually enough to push them over the edge. Your mother-in-law interfered with this.

If she thought her daughter was not ready to be a wife, or she felt you were not able to provide as a husband, she should have prevented the wedding. All she has done is allow a wedding to occur without a marriage.

What should have happened a year ago, given willingly from the heart, has been lost. Those emotions have been replaced by anger, disrespect, and disgust. This delay, this interference, has caused irreparable damage to your relationship.

We hear in your words you feel the relationship is ruined. Some things cannot be undone. Your wedding night and the beginning of your union have been permanently spoiled, but your life doesn’t have to be.

Nearly all religions and legal systems allow an unconsummated marriage to be dissolved without prejudice. If your feelings are as genuine as you say, this is the option you should seriously consider.

Tamara

A Family Affair

I have a wonderful family, one which is kind, loving and full of laughter. Our home does not lack for anything, except for one problem between my father and mother. My father does things like going to nightclubs, drinking up all his money, and having extramarital affairs.

My mother catches him on every occasion, and they quarrel. She makes him swear he will correct himself, but he never does. Now he is after his brother’s wife and even gives her cash. Please advise me how to make my father stop.

Wendi

Wendi, you can’t make another person do anything, but you can tie yourself in knots over something you have no power to change. Even your mother cannot change his behavior.

There are two things you can do. You can let your father know you don’t agree with or condone his behavior, and you can learn from this situation. Most women mirror the wifely role their mother showed them. Don’t allow yourself ever to be in your mother’s predicament. Without fidelity, there is no security.

Wayne

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.