Hot Mess: Lava Flow Closes Old McKenzie Hwy.

HWY. 242: In a development that has stunned locals, confused tourists, and deeply concerned geologists everywhere, the Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT) announced Friday that the historic Old McKenzie Highway will not reopen this year due to active lava flows that are slowly reclaiming the roadway.

According to officials, what began as a routine spring clearing operation quickly took a turn when maintenance crews reported “unusual warmth” beneath the pavement near the summit of the Old McKenzie Pass. Moments later, a small crack in the road reportedly began “glowing ominously,” followed by what one worker described as “the least subtle geological event imaginable.”

“We initially thought it was just sun-heated asphalt,” said ODOT spokesperson Carla Jennings. “But then it started bubbling. And then it started moving. That’s when we upgraded it from ‘road issue’ to ‘lava situation.'”

The Highway 242 is no stranger to volcanism. The road famously winds through vast lava fields surrounding the Dee Wright Observatory, a popular stop for visitors hoping to experience the rugged aftermath of ancient eruptions.

“This appears to be a new flow,” said Dr. Elena Vargas, a volcanologist who was called in after reports surfaced. “Which is surprising, because we’ve never seen fresh lava here.”

The seasonal opening of Highway 242 was expected to happen early this year due to a measly snowpack. Instead, ODOT has issued a firm advisory: Do not attempt to bike across active lava.

“We understand the appeal,” Jennings said. “But a lava flow is not a designated bike lane, no matter how adventurous you are.”

“I was really looking forward to the ride early this year,” said Bend resident Tyler McCaw. “But I guess I’ll wait until it cools off. Or, you know, solidifies into new terrain.”

Drivers are being directed to use the Santiam Pass as an alternate route, which, according to officials, remains “completely free of molten rock at this time.”

Asked if the announcement was part of an elaborate April Fool’s prank, ODOT representatives declined to comment directly.

“We take public safety very seriously,” Jennings said, pausing as a faint plume of smoke rose in the distance. “And also, hypothetically, if this were a joke, it would be in extremely poor taste.”