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Direct Answers - Undernourished

A year after living with my girlfriend, with no shred of emotion, she breaks up with me. She tells me every little thing I do annoys her and that I've never done anything nice for her. She wanted a break from us, but still wanted to continue living together.

Now we've had our problems, like any other relationship, and one of the many reasons why we moved in together was because I pushed for it. To make matters worse, her parents despise me. They think I'm some womanizer and that was the only thing I wanted from their daughter.

My girlfriend flatly denied to her parents that she was dating me, let alone living with me. Every time one of her parents came over, we hid all my stuff and I had to leave, sometimes for hours at a time.

Just this past month, when I came home from a business trip, she was very cold to me. She said she needed a break from us. She said hurtful things and that she couldn't deal with me at the moment.

We agreed we could still live together (we have two bedrooms in our apartment) and work on the basis of any relationship, friendship. Two days later, she met this guy and continually went with him to do the fun things I always asked her to do with me, but she always said no.

When I ask about the other guy, she gives me mixed answers. She told me he likes her, but she is just looking for a friend and doesn't want to give him the wrong impression. Then she gets hurt when he doesn't call and goes to the bar where he is to make him jealous.

I pay all the bills, we share cleaning duties between us, and I 've done many other things for her. Now, since she is dating or seeing this guy, I'm at a loss on what to do. I know I can't deal with her right now, and I need to move on and move out.

I feel she has no respect for my feelings as a friend or as a roommate. For the last two weeks, I have barely slept, have no real appetite, and go from okay with how everything is going, to just crying. I tried talking to her about how I feel, told her I still love her and just want her to be happy.

But she gets mad and says she's getting sick of me telling her my feelings.


Rod, it's hard to get people to understand that having no one is better than having someone who abuses them.

This is true for more than the obvious reason-they are being abused.

The longer you stay, the more seriously you are damaged. The longer you stay, the more likely she will leave you, taking from you the opportunity to learn to stand up for yourself

Furthermore, while she abuses you, you are not growing as a person. You are receiving scars that will take more time to recover from. Lastly, while you are with the wrong one, there is no opportunity to meet the right one.

Don't leave. Kick her out. Stand up and do the deed. "Get out of my house now." If she struggles or equivocates, tell her, "I can call your parents to help you pack."

You also need to talk to someone about habitually undervaluing yourself. You are undervaluing your own talents, your own humanity, and your own personhood.

Perhaps you weren't nurtured when you were young. Perhaps your current situation has beaten you down. But you need help from a person who is on your side. Talk to someone in a professional setting or talk to the person who cares about you most.

It would be better to live alone, than to live alone with this woman.

Wayne & Tamara

write: [email protected]


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