Direct Answers

For the last six years, I have been married to the most wonderful man. I was married before and have two children. He was married twice before and has two children with his first wife.

Now, my problem. The second wife is 15 years older than my husband, and they were married 14 months before she packed up and moved away. After he filed for divorce, she moved back here.

We married a year later, and she won't leave us alone. She sends us mail, and two years ago she moved two blocks away. She ruined his credit to the extent we had a hard time purchasing a new home we built on the other side of town, just so we wouldn't run into her.

Every time I go grocery shopping or get gas, she's there because this is a small town. I honestly want to plunge a meat cleaver into her chest several times, but I know that would be a colossal mistake on my part.

No one like that is worth going to jail for. I'd never do that, but it seems the only way to get her out of my life. I need to grow up and get over it, but I am not sure where to start.

My husband and I don't argue about anything. We are having the time of our lives. We love each other. I couldn't ask for a better husband. What the heck is my problem?

Sheila

Sheila, a friend of ours went bicycling in Germany with his mother. When he saw a large rock on the path, he hollered to his mother to watch out. She focused on the rock and smashed right into it.

It's so easy to focus on the wrong thing. Focus on your husband, your children, and your lives together. That is what is most important. Any time you have a negative thought, think about what fulfills your life. When you are totally engulfed in what matters to you, this other woman will fade from your thoughts.

Wayne & Tamara

Footing The Bills

Maybe I'm too close to the forest to see the trees. My love of two years needs to work two jobs. He's amazing for his work ethic and for keeping us secure. I, on the other hand, work only part-time in a very fulfilling job I am unwilling to trade for higher pay.

With his heavy load, I try to keep things in order so as not to trouble him. His second job is at a local bar and grill. He tends bar and enjoys it very much. He keeps late hours, sometimes past 1 a.m.

I miss my honey. I miss eating dinner, evening conversation, showering together, and the presence of the person who was part of my everyday life. I have choked down emotion for the sake of practicality.

He drinks with the boys and rolls in with beer breath anytime that suits him. Believe me, I have addressed this one. When he calls to let me know he'll be late, I get enraged like the wrath of women you hear about. I feel I'm not being heard.

He says I'm controlling, but I'm trying to control the quality of my life.

Melody

Melody, there is nothing wrong with wanting to control your life, but your life is based on him supporting you. Your boyfriend is coming to realize your lifestyle is maintained at his expense. Perhaps he wonders if you are an expense he can do without.

Your wrath is based on fear, the fear of losing this lopsided arrangement. There is one solution that works no matter what happens. Start fully supporting yourself financially. If he stays, he can reduce his hours and spend more time with you. If he goes, you can take care of yourself.

Wayne & Tamara

Wayne & Tamara are also the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell, What Infidelity Does to the Victim, available from Amazon, Apple and most booksellers.