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The Answer Within

Direct Answers - Feb. 15

I was married for 35 years to the most wonderful man. He was not only my lover but my best friend. He was so good to me. However, he had a massive heart attack and died within seconds. I was in shock for days.

I made a lot of bad choices. I met a man who was nothing like me but made me laugh. He started doing little things for me and invited me to his house to meet his son. We started seeing each other. Four months ago we were married, and now it is a disaster. He lives an entirely different life than me, and his friends are nothing like mine.

I am a Christian, and he will not even discuss going to church. We never fight but I am very unhappy. I want out but am not sure that is what God would want. I don't feel we were ever married in the eyes of God. What do you think I should do?


Glenna, a Baptist minister from Australia told us a story about a man who was drowning in the ocean. The man prayed aloud for the Lord to save him. Someone in a passing sailboat offered help, but the drowning man refused because he wanted the Lord to save him.

A moment later a large plank floated past, but the man declined to swim to it because he wanted the Lord to save him. Finally, a rescue helicopter dropped a life ring, but the man would not use it because he wanted the Lord to save him. The man drowned.

When he reached heaven, the man asked the Lord why he didn't save him. The Lord said, "Three times I sent you help, but each time you refused because it didn't come in the form you wanted."

We cannot give people spiritual advice. That is not our province. But you know what marriage is supposed to be like, and you know you will never have that with this man. You must decide, in your heart of hearts, if your Lord has already sent you the answer.



My girlfriend just broke up with me, and it was totally out of the blue. It started two weeks ago when she said she was confused and needed a little space to sort things out. We thought she was pregnant, and she said that made her think. The weird thing is the week before she told my extended family she had found "the one" and would never let me go.

She is 23. She's had constant boyfriends since she was 15 and now says she wants to be on her own for about a year and not date anyone. She told me she loves me very much, but she needs a chance to be a single girl and work on herself.

I just don't understand any of this at all. In a week she went from wanting to marry me to wanting to be a single girl.


Roy, a mountain looks different depending on where you are. A climber on a sheer rock face may see only a few meters of rock above and a long fall below. A woman on the east at sunrise sees the mountain bathed in golden light, while for a man on the west side, it is still cold and dark.

What each person sees depends on their point of view. Let me tell you our point of view. That was a close one! What if you had gotten married, and she still had these doubts? What if you had two or three children, and she had these doubts? The stakes would be higher and your loss greater.

We won't tell you our point of view is the only point of view, but it is the only way we can view your situation.


Wayne & Tamara are the authors of Cheating in a Nutshell and The Young Woman’s Guide to Older Men—available from Amazon, Apple, and booksellers everywhere.


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