Fishing Out Of Season

I am a legally separated man who is going through a divorce. A friend introduced me to his girlfriend about a year ago. We immediately took to each other, but until a month ago, we didn't realize how the other one felt.

I was happily married when we met, but my wife fooled around on me so we split up. Anyway, I started talking to my friend's girlfriend. While he was away for two weeks of job training, we began seeing each other.

We both want to be together but don't know what to do. She is four months pregnant by him and is happy with him. On the other hand, she wants me and I really want her. Do you have any suggestion on how I, or we, should handle this situation?

Ron

Ron, the last time I saw anything this tangled, it was opening day of trout season. Fishermen were lined up elbow to elbow on the bank, and there was not enough room to cast. Two guys even caught the same fish, which sounds a lot like your situation.

I would think pregnancy would set the hook for this woman, but your lure caught her eye. She doesn't act like she's been caught, though. At any moment she could reject both of you and move on to someone else.

This woman is not a keeper. You are involved with a woman like your wife. The difference is you are in another role, about to betray a friend. This is not a positive direction for your life.

Play out your marriage to its conclusion, and let this woman determine the relationship she will have with the father of her child.

There will be another trout season next year. Give yourself a break. Next season when you are free to go fishing, find a quiet stream before you drop a line in the water.

Wayne

Cold Turkey

I dated a girl two years. The first time it ended because she started doing drugs and wouldn't stop. When she began dating a druggie friend, I continued giving her rides, a place to crash for a night, and money. Then she left him and came back to me.

Cautiously I decided to give it another try. Unfortunately I found out she had been dating this other man and me at the same time. It ended once more. Later we started to talk again, but that ended with her taking my time and money, and then leaving.

My conscious mind can recognize she is all-around not a good person, much less good for me. I know she has taken much from me and given little in return. My mind seems to have completely gotten over her, but my body can't seem to.

Whenever I see any white car remotely resembling hers, I turn and stare. If I see a girl with the same skin complexion, I can't help but gaze. When I hear her name, my stomach tightens, and if I see her, I feel immensely downtrodden.

I would say without a doubt I am over her, but I can't help feeling queasy and even jealous when I hear news of her, good or bad. These are all instinctual, involuntary actions. I don't understand.

It is as if my brain has moved on, but my body is still going through the motions of breaking up. I know time is probably the best cure, but it is difficult living like this.

Dylan

Dylan, warnings not heeded, conscience not listened to, red lights driven through. Sooner or later, they all catch up to you. So will you heed another warning, or will you boldly go where no man should go?

Don't be a lemming, or just another mouse for the snake. Warnings we don't heed are snakes we feed. When you were with her, you were way overmatched. This is a woman who charms men to support her habits.

The queasiness and jealousy you feel are textbook symptoms. Twice you were given ample reason to sever contact, and twice you refused. It's not her you need to get out of your system, it's your personal weakness.

By spreading out the pain of breaking up, you reinforced it. Like Pavlov's dog, you trained yourself to salivate at the very thought of her. If you hadn't spent so much time trying to turn ground beef into steak, you would be over this.

Wayne & Tamara

Personal Property

I have been with my husband four years, married for two. He has never accused me of cheating but insists that every man in a 10 mile radius is hot on my trail. At least once a month we fight about this.

I always ask why he doesn't trust me, and he says he does trust me, it's everyone else he doesn't trust. I don't know how to fix this. I have tried so hard. He offered to go to counseling but hasn't saved money for it, and I can't afford it either. I pay for everything else.

I am afraid my only option is divorce. I hate that I am tearing apart our family, but I don't know if I can continue. I feel alone, yet we have talked about this many times. I don't think he is capable of change.

Vonna

Vonna, your husband is trying to exert property rights over you. He is not in love with you, but he is afraid of claim jumpers. Every time he suggests you could be unfaithful he smirches your character. Every day you stay tells him he has the right to do what he is doing.

Like all good people you think this is your problem to fix. But it's not up to you. The only fix is letting him suffer the consequences.

Wayne & Tamara

WayneAndTamara.com